Can you please review my writing and tell me what you think?

I liked the beginning, up to the character dump. That part's not terrible, but don't expect anyone to try to keep the all the mice straight when they're introduced in three sentences, especially without much reason for introduction. Then it starts looking for a rhyme, but doesn't always find one, let alone a natural one. If you're trying for Dr. Seuss, either go all the way with the rhyming craziness or just don't bother. Eh, I'd give it a C+